Family Issues
T
he family is such an intergral part of life and the place where we learn our first lessons and how to interact with others. Shri Babaji encouraged householders to take care of their duties, to love and care for their children, and to keep up their spiritual practice. Babaji loves children and is often pictured with children in His lap. Shri Muniraji is a wonderful example of a loving family man with eight children and now many grandchildren and great grandchildren, who continually takes care of all his duties as well as his daily spiritual practices.
Life in these busy times often becomes challenging for families. We seem to be almost too busy to stop and enjoy the simple joys of living and being together as family. For this reason, we are including this section about families. The first entries are parenting questions and answers that have appeared in the local newpaper for the last year or so. We will also include other helpful ideas for families, so stay tuned.
If you have a question or a topic that you would like covered, just email us at info@Babajiashram.org.
We are here to serve. Bhole Baba Ki Jai!
Parent Talk by Ramloti - September, 2009 |
As you may have read, I was in San Diego this last month at the birth of my third grandson. I was there several days before the birth and my daughter-in-law, Sarah, had this question. The older boys are Gavin, who is four-and-a-half-years-old and very smart but not an athlete-type and Benjamin, who is almost two-years-old and looks like he may grow up to be a football player. The scenario is that Gavin is playing with his trains or cars and Benjamin comes up and takes the key ingredient, throws it across the room, and then says Ha, Ha, Ha in a very deep (almost comical) voice. This of course is not funny to Gavin who wants the car or train back. Sarah’s question to me and my sister (Susie Walton, Parent Educator of the Year in San Diego and author of the book How Myths Affect Our Family Life) is, “What is the best way to handle this?”
As in all situations, there are several things to consider. The first thing is to remind Gavin to use his words and ask for what he wants from his brother rather then telling him what he does not want. In other words he should say, “Benjamin, please bring my train back” rather then the usual, “Don’t take my train.” If Benjamin balks at this, Sarah should gently and firmly lead or carry Benjamin to the train without any words, and put it in his hand to carry back to Gavin.
These may seem like simple ideas but they are usually effective. The difference between asking for what we want rather then saying the negative is huge. The difference between matter-of-factly leading or carrying a child to a task that they know is their responsibility without getting into a verbal power struggle is also huge.
A couple of things to consider is that the two-year-old is suddenly feeling his power after being the little brother for such a long time with most of the shots called by his older brother. It is important to realize this and find ways for Benjamin to legitimately express his power. I had Benjamin help me set the table, lead me in play, and fix the fruit for dessert. Sitting down with the two boys and asking how they can both play happily along side each other, together, or in separate rooms is a good idea. Role-playing with the older child on stating his needs in a positive way is a good tool to hone for the many occasions in life that come up.
Finally, although these boys do not watch more than one or two programs a day, they had been watching Dora and Diego. In one of them, there is a character called Swiper who always takes things (and I think says Ha, Ha, Ha). Knowing this, I tried a different tack once when we were all playing and Benjamin took the train. I turned it into a fun game and used the words like they do in the show in a sing-songy way, “Swiper, no Swiping, please bring back our train.” That brought a big laugh and also a train!
Last changed: Jan 03 2010 at 6:11 PM
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