Family Issues
T
he family is such an intergral part of life and the place where we learn our first lessons and how to interact with others. Shri Babaji encouraged householders to take care of their duties, to love and care for their children, and to keep up their spiritual practice. Babaji loves children and is often pictured with children in His lap. Shri Muniraji is a wonderful example of a loving family man with eight children and now many grandchildren and great grandchildren, who continually takes care of all his duties as well as his daily spiritual practices.
Life in these busy times often becomes challenging for families. We seem to be almost too busy to stop and enjoy the simple joys of living and being together as family. For this reason, we are including this section about families. The first entries are parenting questions and answers that have appeared in the local newpaper for the last year or so. We will also include other helpful ideas for families, so stay tuned.
If you have a question or a topic that you would like covered, just email us at info@Babajiashram.org.
We are here to serve. Bhole Baba Ki Jai!
Parent Talk by Ramloti - October, 2008 |
I have been watching parents trying to set limits with their children lately. Some have been successful and some not so. It is such an important part of parenting that I thought to devote this Parent Talk article to it.
First of all, why should there be limits or boundaries? Studies have shown that a child raised without boundaries often feels very insecure, uncertain of what is expected of him or her, and sometimes actually feels unloved and uncared for. It also makes life much more fun and free when everyone is aware of the limits.
It is always best to sit down and explain your concern with the child at a quiet time when you are both feeling fresh and peaceful. (Now do not feel that a child that is preverbal cannot understand your concern and the consequence; just leave out the problem solving step.) Use an I message, such as: I am concerned when you eat a lot of sweets when we go to parties because then you do not eat the rest of your meal and you get hungry a short time after. I know you like to go to parties and you like sweets. How can we make this work for both of us? You may be surprised at the ideas your child will come up with. You may even learn something about your child that you did know. It is important to have a couple of ideas yourself, in case your child does not come up with one.
Perhaps you have come to the agreement that your child will only take non-sweet food for his first serving and when he finishes that he can have the sweet desert.
The next step is to ask your child what you should do if he forgets. If your child says spank him, or just let him eat it, or something else that is not respectful, you can say, I am not willing to do that. What I am willing to do is to leave the party and we will try another time.
So the next time you are considering going to a party, you can first ask the child what your agreement is around lunch and desert. If he forgets, prompt him. It is better if he or she remembers. Then ask what will happen if he does not stick to the agreement. With all this reviewed and if the decision is made to go to the party, it is a good idea that you inform the host or hostess ahead of time that you may have to follow through on a consequence and leave immediately if the child persists in only wanting sweets.
If the sweet is all he wants, then lovingly and without any words pick him up and put him in the car and take him home. No words are needed because he knows exactly why this happened. Yelling and scolding only makes the child think of how mean the parent is, loving silence keeps the responsibility for the decision right where it should be, on the child!
Last changed: Aug 30 2009 at 5:13 PM
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