Family Issues
T
he family is such an intergral part of life and the place where we learn our first lessons and how to interact with others. Shri Babaji encouraged householders to take care of their duties, to love and care for their children, and to keep up their spiritual practice. Babaji loves children and is often pictured with children in His lap. Shri Muniraji is a wonderful example of a loving family man with eight children and now many grandchildren and great grandchildren, who continually takes care of all his duties as well as his daily spiritual practices.
Life in these busy times often becomes challenging for families. We seem to be almost too busy to stop and enjoy the simple joys of living and being together as family. For this reason, we are including this section about families. The first entries are parenting questions and answers that have appeared in the local newpaper for the last year or so. We will also include other helpful ideas for families, so stay tuned.
If you have a question or a topic that you would like covered, just email us at info@Babajiashram.org.
We are here to serve. Bhole Baba Ki Jai!
Parent Talk by Ramloti - November, 2008 |
I received this question from a grandma.
My 2-year-old grandson is generally a delight but does like to poke and hit dogs with objects. We tell him to be gentle, explain that he can hurt the dogs, etc., and it usually has a moderating effect.
The other evening, however, he was headed for a dog with his toy truck held high. I told him not to hit the dog, and his mother told him that if he hit the dog with his truck, it would be taken away. Nevertheless, he threw the truck at the dog (and missed). I took the truck, and he grabbed it at the same time. I said, "You were told that if you tried to hit the dog, the truck would be taken away," and tried to do so, but a struggle for the truck ensued, with him finally trying to bite my hand. It was a mess. At that point Mom picked him up and took him away, screaming, and reprimanded him for trying to bite me.
There must have been a better way for me to have dealt with it. I thought you, through your column, might have a suggestion. It seems that in your examples, everything is calm and reasoned and nothing gets out of control, there are no 57-year-old women wrestling with 2-year-olds for a toy truck. Any ideas?
My first suggestion is to look at what you and mom said. Both of you told the child what not to do. It is always more effective to say what you want the child to do as the mind registers the positive much more accurately. A statement such as, “Trucks are for driving on the floor, dogs are for petting. Would you like to make a bridge with me to drive your truck under or would you like to help me brush the dog?” Would have been far more helpful in the situation.
At quiet times, practice petting and loving the dog with your grandson. This should be hands-on, preferably on the floor with the child. Keep it light and fun. This would also be the time to talk about the past action that was unacceptable and say you will simply lift him up and put him in another part of the room if he is not kind to the dog. Use I messages such as. “I am not willing to have you hurt the dog. If you do, I will…”
If there is a next time, use the positive redirecting statement first. If he continues to hit the dog, silently and lovingly pick him up and put him in another part of the room and tell him he can try again later. He may come back immediately, if he does better with the dog, let him stay. If he tries to hit him again, move him away again.
Part of power is also the need to feel powerful. Is there a small job the child can do for the dog? If every behavior is a child (and adult) trying to communicate, what may this be? Is he feeling very small and not important at this time? Is he feeling like the dog gets more attention then him? Is he hungry or tired at this time? Often, before dinner is a challenging time in a family. Having a regular way the two-year-old can help with dinner is a great way to solve the situation, it sure did in my family. It also adds to the fun of a family working together and soon he will be a very big help. I am sure at this age he could put around silverware and napkins or he could tear the lettuce leaves for the salad. Remember, a two-year-old is trying on behaviors partly to see how the adults around him will react. When you are firm and kind at the same time, life is much smoother.
Last changed: Jan 03 2010 at 6:12 PM
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