Family Issues
T
he family is such an intergral part of life and the place where we learn our first lessons and how to interact with others. Shri Babaji encouraged householders to take care of their duties, to love and care for their children, and to keep up their spiritual practice. Babaji loves children and is often pictured with children in His lap. Shri Muniraji is a wonderful example of a loving family man with eight children and now many grandchildren and great grandchildren, who continually takes care of all his duties as well as his daily spiritual practices.
Life in these busy times often becomes challenging for families. We seem to be almost too busy to stop and enjoy the simple joys of living and being together as family. For this reason, we are including this section about families. The first entries are parenting questions and answers that have appeared in the local newpaper for the last year or so. We will also include other helpful ideas for families, so stay tuned.
If you have a question or a topic that you would like covered, just email us at info@Babajiashram.org.
We are here to serve. Bhole Baba Ki Jai!
Parent Talk by Ramloti - May, 2009 |
Dear Ramloti,
My seventeen-year-old son has no motivation. I need to constantly nag him and remind him to get to bed on time, to get up on time, to eat on time, to get to school on time, to remember his lunch, his PE clothes, and his homework. What can I do to get out of this endless circle?
Thank you,
Exhausted Parent
Dear Exhausted Parent,
Perhaps the first thing you should look at is the fact that a child or teen who constantly forgets, usually has a parent that is always remembering or doing for him or her. This usually starts at a very young age. Over-parenting is rampant and although it seems as if it is kind to keep doing our child’s dishes and laundry until they are out the door to college, it isn’t. Children who have everything done for them often have low self-esteem assuming the parent does not believe he or she is capable. The other results could be a child that believes everything should be given to them on a silver platter. This child can become very vengeful when not given what he or she wants and is often going to have a rude awakening once outside of the protective home environment.
So it begins as early as one-years-old. Periodically ask yourself, what am I doing for my child today that he or she can now be doing himself. It begins with simple things like helping to choose clothes, dressing himself, helping set the table, cleaning up toys, and being a part of the family in the fun and the daily maintenance of the home scene.
So, Exhausted, I know you are saying, well that’s great but I am about 15 years too late! It is never too late. Sit down with your son and apologize for constantly nagging and reminding and not believing in his ability to organize his life. Ask him about his goals and how he thinks he is going to get there. Tell him you will no longer remind or nag him. Then ask if there is anything he needs from you to support him in his goal? Maybe he needs an alarm clock, some instruction with the wash machine, a ride to school, or some help with his homework from time to time. If you can help in this way, great, go for it. Just remember, he may be moving out on his own in a year or two and he will need to know how to do laundry, cook food, balance a checkbook, manage money, clean up after himself, and generally get along in this world. These next couple years can also be a very wonderful time together where you can be more like friends than like his housekeeper and babysitter. You may be very surprised to see how capable he is. Please do not sabotage this with you doubting thoughts, believe in him. You may also consider the need you have to be in complete control and have someone in your life who is totally dependant on you.
Love, Ramloti
Last changed: Jan 03 2010 at 6:12 PM
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