Family Issues
T
he family is such an intergral part of life and the place where we learn our first lessons and how to interact with others. Shri Babaji encouraged householders to take care of their duties, to love and care for their children, and to keep up their spiritual practice. Babaji loves children and is often pictured with children in His lap. Shri Muniraji is a wonderful example of a loving family man with eight children and now many grandchildren and great grandchildren, who continually takes care of all his duties as well as his daily spiritual practices.
Life in these busy times often becomes challenging for families. We seem to be almost too busy to stop and enjoy the simple joys of living and being together as family. For this reason, we are including this section about families. The first entries are parenting questions and answers that have appeared in the local newpaper for the last year or so. We will also include other helpful ideas for families, so stay tuned.
If you have a question or a topic that you would like covered, just email us at info@Babajiashram.org.
We are here to serve. Bhole Baba Ki Jai!
Parent Talk by Ramloti - March, 2010 |
We see so many families at the Ashram here and I also just returned from spending extensive time with my grandchildren and my niece’s children. Parenting styles are diverse and all parents, I believe, are doing the best job they know how to do. There seem to be some habitual actions and reactions, however that, cause a lot of difficulty, strife, and sadness in the family life. Unfortunately the results of these actions often don’t manifest fully until the child begins to get older. For example, the very compliant child raised in a household that tells her what to do, how to do it, and when to do it may look wonderfully easy in the early years. As this child grows older, however, she is the prime candidate to be susceptible to a lot of peer pressure and could easily get into trouble. The reason for this is that she never learned to think for herself and make her own decisions.
So not allowing children to make age appropriate decisions as they grow up is a recipe for trouble. Another prevalent possible problem maker is constantly telling our child what he or she is doing wrong. Criticizing only brews anger, revenge, and eventually despair. Using positive statements about what you would like to see happen and acknowledging the small successes the child might be making will go a lot further to creating a harmonious household and a self-assured youth. We dig the quiet, shy child into a big ditch that is difficult to climb out of when we repeatedly tell people, “Oh he is too shy to talk.” Or, “She is too afraid to try anything new.” Unfortunately, I hear these self-fulfilling prophecies too often.
It would be far more helpful to ask the quiet or shy child before entering a new environment if there is anything he can do to make it more comfortable for himself and how you can support that. Children often come up with great ideas. The fact that they are asked for their input and listened to is a big step toward helping them find their own way in life. The quieter child is often full of wonderful observations and ideas because he spends more time watching what is going on in front of him. Who knows, he may grow up to become an inventor!
I now want to focus on the positive parenting that I do see go on around me. A mom getting down on her child’s eye level and asking him what he needs to do to pour the rice dream into the cup. A father handing his child a rag without any words when she spills some water. A grandma pretending that the children’s table at a family gathering is a restaurant and serving the vegetable platter and dippy (sesame pate and guacamole) as appetizers and acknowledging how pleasant it is to have them come to her establishment. An auntie giving her nephew a choice to walk up the stairs for bath time or to be given a horse ride up and when he balks at both choices, picking him up lovingly with no words and carrying him up. An uncle taking an upset, yelling child gently into his arms and saying, “Looks like you are really mad, can you tell me about it with your words?”
These are all so simple and so much more fun. Parenting can and should be an enjoyable and fun experience. If this is not your experience, I highly recommend you go to the Maha Lakshmi Shop at this website and order the books, “Redirecting Children’s Behavior” and “How Myths Affect our Family Lives.” Enjoy these few years of being a parent, they fly by!
Last changed: Feb 22 2010 at 11:15 PM
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