Family Issues
T
he family is such an intergral part of life and the place where we learn our first lessons and how to interact with others. Shri Babaji encouraged householders to take care of their duties, to love and care for their children, and to keep up their spiritual practice. Babaji loves children and is often pictured with children in His lap. Shri Muniraji is a wonderful example of a loving family man with eight children and now many grandchildren and great grandchildren, who continually takes care of all his duties as well as his daily spiritual practices.
Life in these busy times often becomes challenging for families. We seem to be almost too busy to stop and enjoy the simple joys of living and being together as family. For this reason, we are including this section about families. The first entries are parenting questions and answers that have appeared in the local newpaper for the last year or so. We will also include other helpful ideas for families, so stay tuned.
If you have a question or a topic that you would like covered, just email us at info@Babajiashram.org.
We are here to serve. Bhole Baba Ki Jai!
Parent Talk by Ramloti - June 2008 |
This week’s question is about our power children; how to deal with them without getting into constant confrontations. Children, like adults, have certain needs and when these needs are not met in their minds, they will act out to try to get them met. These include the need to belong and the need to feel loved, powerful, and valuable and a need to experiment and explore (this is how they learn). If we view children in this light, the corollary could be that all behavior is communication, even behavior that does not suit our pictures. When children feel understood, valued, powerful, and loved there is less need to act out.
So if your child is continually getting into power struggles, it is likely that he or she is not feeling very powerful. In the 5-week parenting-class (which will be offered again on all the Tuesdays of June from 6:30pm to 9pm, call the Ashram at 719-256-4108 for details), we actually do some exercises letting the parents feel what it is like to be small, mostly seeing adults’ knees, hearing a lot of commands, and not yet being able to do all the things that the mighty giants around them are able to do.
There are many ways to allow our child (beginning from the earliest age) to feel powerful. First of all, as often as possible, get on the same level with them when you speak or listen to them (squat down or have them sit beside you on the couch). Two-year-olds love to be helpful around the house. Thank them for helping you dust, fold the washcloths, tear the salad, or put the napkins around the table. (Remember to get on their eye level.)
In the middle of a power struggle, instead of yelling at your child to put on his or her seatbelt, ask yourself what can I do to make my child feel more powerful in this situation. One parent came up with the idea to make her son the boss of the seatbelts. It was his job to let his parent know when everyone in the car had his or her seatbelt on. When the parent heard the okay, the car left. Needless to say, he was the first one to put on his seatbelt without any power struggle.
Choices are also very helpful. Make sure both choices are acceptable to you. Do you want to walk to bed or should I carry you. What kind of bubble bath do you want, lavender or rose? Shall we cut the carrots for your dinner in strips or circles? As children get older (three and up) asking their help to solve a problem is great. It shows them that they make a difference and they are very creative. First state your problem. I am feeling upset because you often leave your clothes on the living room floor. Do you have some ideas on how my need for a clean living room could be met? Ask your child, you may be surprised by his or her ingenious answer.
Last changed: Aug 30 2009 at 4:18 PM
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