Family Issues
T
he family is such an intergral part of life and the place where we learn our first lessons and how to interact with others. Shri Babaji encouraged householders to take care of their duties, to love and care for their children, and to keep up their spiritual practice. Babaji loves children and is often pictured with children in His lap. Shri Muniraji is a wonderful example of a loving family man with eight children and now many grandchildren and great grandchildren, who continually takes care of all his duties as well as his daily spiritual practices.
Life in these busy times often becomes challenging for families. We seem to be almost too busy to stop and enjoy the simple joys of living and being together as family. For this reason, we are including this section about families. The first entries are parenting questions and answers that have appeared in the local newpaper for the last year or so. We will also include other helpful ideas for families, so stay tuned.
If you have a question or a topic that you would like covered, just email us at info@Babajiashram.org.
We are here to serve. Bhole Baba Ki Jai!
Parent Talk by Ramloti - July, 2009 |
Last month I wrote about family meetings and want to suggest using this format in other situations with our children as well as in a business or organization. I took a 40-hour training at a high-powered mediation center in Boulder after I had been teaching the parenting classes, Redirecting Children’s Behavior and Redirecting for a Cooperative Classroom for several years. At the end of the training I stood up and said that the information was nearly the same as I had been teaching to parents. The big difference was the terminology and the cost. The mediation course cost me several thousand dollars!
One of the things we teach in the parenting class is creating a mind trust in the family. Everyone agrees to never speak behind another’s back. There is also an agreement to help others remember. In other words, if a child comes to mom tattling on her brother, mom reminds her child to speak directly to her brother or asks if she wants mom’s support to help them work on a solution together. Having this agreement in our organizations and work places is also important. Remember, if we as parents or caregivers are talking behind other’s backs, our children hear this and it makes them uneasy. The tension we bring home from a workplace or meeting where there is not honest and open communication also influences the family peace. There is rarely a reason to not sit down with all the people involved. We may think we are keeping someone’s identity secret but in fact people always find out who was talking about them and worse they often hear exaggerated stories. There is a dynamic that happens when we sit face to face with others if the following guidelines are adhered to. I have done these meetings with non-profits, civic groups, corporations, and school districts (superintendent, school board, and irate teachers in a group of sixty) and it worked miracles.
Meeting Guidelines
1. Have a list of agreements posted (maybe even send them out in the meeting notice) and before beginning, have everyone agree to honor them.
These would be:
a) One person speak at a time (one or two minutes per turn may be a good idea, have a timekeeper).
b) Wait until a person is complete before the next person speaks.
c) Keep with immediate issues at hand.
d) No personal attacks.
e) Use "I" messages rather then universalizing or accusing (example: I felt hurt when this happened rather than everyone was hurt or you hurt everyone or me).
2. Give a short introduction about the reason for the meeting and acknowledge everyone for attending. A person must be interested in the organization to take the time to attend a meeting.
3. Go around the room with each person saying what they appreciate about the person sitting next to him or her. This should be done one at a time in a loud enough voice for all to hear and should follow the format of "What I appreciate about you is....." Have the recipient make eye contact and simply say "thank you". It is much more difficult to be adversarial to someone who has just shown their appreciation for you. Many folks do not realize how much they are appreciated or how much they appreciate another until they do this process.
4. Write down all ideas on a flipchart.
5. Bring people back to the issues.
6. Continually find areas where there is shared interest. Example, so it appears that we are all in agreement that we want our organization to be successful, the discussion, is what do we need to do to make this happen.
There are two great books available at the Maha Lakshmi Shop that have more ideas on meetings and problem solving. They are Redirecting Children’s Behavior and How Personal Myths Affect Our Family Lives.
Last changed: Jan 03 2010 at 6:14 PM
Back