Family Issues
T
he family is such an intergral part of life and the place where we learn our first lessons and how to interact with others. Shri Babaji encouraged householders to take care of their duties, to love and care for their children, and to keep up their spiritual practice. Babaji loves children and is often pictured with children in His lap. Shri Muniraji is a wonderful example of a loving family man with eight children and now many grandchildren and great grandchildren, who continually takes care of all his duties as well as his daily spiritual practices.
Life in these busy times often becomes challenging for families. We seem to be almost too busy to stop and enjoy the simple joys of living and being together as family. For this reason, we are including this section about families. The first entries are parenting questions and answers that have appeared in the local newpaper for the last year or so. We will also include other helpful ideas for families, so stay tuned.
If you have a question or a topic that you would like covered, just email us at info@Babajiashram.org.
We are here to serve. Bhole Baba Ki Jai!
Parent Talk by Ramloti - July 2008 |
We often get into a pattern of yelling at our children, thinking they will respond and cooperate if we get angry and raise our voice. I am not sure where we got this notion, this behavior does not elicit a cooperative response from me. There are many more helpful ways to build a team spirit in the home. Using one word in a kind and firm tone, after you have made an agreement with your child, is much more helpful. For instance, if your child has agreed to put his or her backpack away upon coming home from school and he or she forgets, simply say, “backpack”. This can even be said in a fun, sing-songey way. Signals are also helpful keeping us out of verbal power struggles. Once again, after an agreement is made, such as emptying the dishwasher by 5pm, ask your child what sign you should use to remind him or her if the dishwasher is not emptied. The child often comes up with a very fun sign, maybe holding up five fingers to remind him or her that it is time to fulfill the commitment.
Here is a story from a past graduate of Redirecting Children’s Behavior. “Since taking the RCB course, I have discovered through observation that repeated yelling creates more yelling in the household. Most of the time I yell because I am frustrated, but I wasn't always aware of that. I have observed the more I yell out of frustration, the more my kids yell at various times throughout the day over things that are frustrating them. I can see clearly how my yelling is a way of communicating that doesn't help anyone get the job done. I now use the emotional "pause" button to calm myself and initiate a fresh perspective. Once I calm down and determine what is frustrating me, I can then communicate what I feel and want much better. When I communicate what I feel and want in a calm and firm voice to my children they are much more willing to cooperate with me. Case in point: I was often frustrated when my kids were not ready to go to school on time. Yelling definitely made the situation worse as the kids got nervous and cried and sloooooowwed down even more. Instead of yelling to tell them what to do, I learned to communicate in a kind and firm voice how important it is for us to watch the clock, as a team, so everyone gets a good start to the day. We're all much happier when we communicate our feelings and wants along with solutions without yelling. And I've noticed when the day starts on a positive note, the rest of the day tends to follow that path."
Last changed: Aug 30 2009 at 4:17 PM
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